Goodbye

I have always disliked the word goodbye. It always makes me feel like you are never going to see that person again and the only way you wouldn't is if one of you didn't accept Jesus into your heart. So today I looked up the world goodbye and here are some answers I got.

• It's from Old English meaning "God be with ye"
• a farewell remark; "they said their good-byes"
• It is a form of blessing as one leaves, and the opposite of "hello".
• It's a form of ending for a conversation be it in person or on paper.
• it's a way to say I will see you again sometime-Scott

Nothing that I always thought it meant. Interesting! It reminds me of how I use to view being a Christian. I always felt like I had to fix myself before I could get saved, but in reality accepting Jesus into my heart and into my life is what fixes me. I am still broken, but I know that God is working hard in my heart and hard in my life.

Today, Mike preached about fear. Fear controls our lives. Fear on if we are going to be able to make our bills, feed our kids, quitting my job to home school my daughter. I no longer have fear for quitting my job. I have faith that God will provide as he always has. With that being said I also know that we have to take the steps for me to be able to quit my job.

The ladies at Dove simply amaze me. Their faith and how strong they are. Much like my grandma... faith never shaken.

A lesson learned!

This weekend Austin became a parent. Don't worry it was for school and only for the weekend! Austin named the baby Taco... yes Taco. He said he was hungry when he got the baby. I must say that I am glad that the school does these type of projects with the students. I know it showed Austin that he was not ready for that life. If you know Austin you know he loves babies just as the next person. But actually having to provide and take care of them full time was a different story. He learned that when you have a baby you are not able to do the kind of things you can do with out a baby such as play the XBOX 360, eat, or get your much needed sleep. And that was just the first few hours that he had him. He also learned another important lesson. Friday night he went to the store with Scott and while he was out, he lost one of the babies diapers. Austin didn't realize that until 4 in the morning, so on top of no sleep he had to go back to Kroger's and search for it. He was not able to find the diaper so now on top of taking care of the baby. He has to do a three page report. Austin felt terrible that he let his teacher down. I think he did a great job and I believe he truly learned his lesson. I am proud of you bub!

Quote of the day!

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."~ Unknown

The good outdoes the bad by far!

Good points for the day

• The kids had school today! Not that I dont enjoy the extra time, but at this rate they would be going all year long!
• Julie didn't have her spelling words to study for all week and she still only missed a couple. Not to bad for not studying at all!
• Julie also had a math test today and only missed two problems! Big improvement!!!
• We got to hang out with some long lost friends! Many more to come hopefully!!!!
• Robin spent the evening with us too! Miss her so much!
• Chocolate Malt-Yum!!!
• I found a babysit for the evenings! (Still looking for a couple days a week in the morning to get Julie on the bus)
• And I bought a necklace that I had been eyeing for awhile!

Random Thoughts

My sister Nichole recently found out that she was having a boy. What is so cool about this is the day that my grandma passed away, hours before she told Nichole that she was having a boy. Little did she know that she was right. The day of my grandma's visitation Nichole had an ultrasound and found out she was indeed having a boy. I am looking forward to my very first nephew and curious to see how little Abby is going to be with her new brother.

After many prayers and discussions Scott and I have decided that I will be homeschooling Julie next year. I am looking forward to that adventure. However, I am also a little nervous about it. I have tried being a stay at home mom and depression took over me. This time will be a little different. My focus is better and my faith is stronger. I will also be kept really busy with the school work. On the side I will be helping Scott with his business. I would like to also get a part time job. We have recently started redoing the extra bedroom and turning it into a "classroom". I am blessed at all the support we have received on our decision to do this and blown away at all the help and advise!

Something scary I just realized..... Austin will be driving this time next year!!!! NOT READY FOR THAT ONE!

In less than two months my baby sister will be 18! Wow where did the last three years go!

I missed blogging. It's my way of getting my thoughts and feelings out.

I am ready for the snow to melt and spring to come!

My beautiful Grandma!

I have been trying to write (type) this for awhile, but to be honest it's been hard on me. Nothing that I can say here justifies the type of person my grandma was. There are not enough words to honor the women she was. This is my attempt and my beautiful memories of my grandma.


My grandma was a beautiful women inside and out. She had a heart of gold and she stood strong in her faith. Her love for Jesus was never a secret. She lived to set a better example for all of us. And when we would fall she was there to kick us in the butt and get us back on the right track. She loved my grandfather with everything she had. Over 50 years together they would still fall in love more and more everyday. When he passed, she dreamed of being with him again. She waited 7 years, but she is finally in his arms again. I imagine their reunion after so long. She is now with the two loves of her live, Jesus and grandpa. I am at peace with that. That doesn't mean this hurts any less. There was so many things I wanted to say and so many things I wanted to apologize for, I regret not being able to do that.


When we were little my grandma use to babysit us for my dad. (Remember he worked two jobs and was in school) We spent a lot of time with her and we didn't always treat her the best. My grandma would give up her evenings every night to take us home and get us ready for bed and she use to read us the Bible. Although that didnt end well, that was the start of my journey of living my life for God.

My grandparent after they bought their house in Milford. Not long after, my grandpa passed away


My grandma's 80th Birthday! She had so many


stories, that I loved hearing!



As we got older all of us lost our way. At one point in my life I wasn't even sure if I believed in God. At that point in my life I felt like I only believed because I was told to. I was 18 and confused and the best thing I knew to do was go to my grandma. I went there expecting her to yell at me, but she didn't. She had so much love and actually understood my doubts. That was probably the best two hours I had ever spent with my grandparents.

My life didn't change much. I didn't give up my ways of living and I got pregnant out of wedlock. I didn't have the guts to face my grandparents. One day after a doctor appointment I ran into my grandma at Meijers and I knew from the second that I seen her that she knew. My heart dropped, but what hurt the most was the things that she said. Yes she was disappointed in me, but she also told me that they love me and want the best for me. She never once treated Julie different because she wasn't born the biblical way. For so long I never focused on the things that she said after she "yelled" at me.

I remember that every time I just felt down it my life it drew me to my grandma's. I never told her why I was there, but I always felt like she knew. She always had a way of making me feel better by just saying nothing. Sometimes I regret not saying anything.

I never told my grandma how much she meant to me until she was gone. I never told her how much the life she lived influenced me. I miss her so much and my heart feels so empty at times, but I know that she is where she lived her whole life to be and I will always have the memories of her in my heart.


My grandma and I on my wedding day!

Our last girls day at Grandma's.


I love you grandma! Thank you for always believing in me.

I miss her so much

Mixed emotions

The new year has started out pretty crappy. I lost my grandma, our Church, and some of our friends. But even with the way the past two months have been, God is so awesome. I have no clue what he has in store for our family, but I know it's something big. I miss my grandma so much and so many times, I want to call or go over and visit her. Even if I never told her the reason I came to visit, visiting with her made my day. My grandma was my biggest inspiration on earth aside from my dad. My grandma lived a long beautiful life and never once did I ever see her faith shaken. I have so many goals that I want to accomplish this year and even though the road is starting out bumpy, I won't give up. And God couldn't have placed a better person in my life to walk through it with than my husband. I don't know if anyone reads this, but if you are please pray for our family. Right now there is so much hurt and confusion that has happened. Sometimes it feels as though there is no light at that the end of the tunnel. I am not by any means saying we were not apart of the hurt and confusion nor am I trying to bash or be little anyone or anything. I simply just want peace in my heart. I have always been the type of person who is strong in her beliefs and not afraid to stand up for them. And boy have I learned that can get you in trouble. I think that so many times, we need to really evaluate the situation before speaking. That is something I will be working on.