Disappointment

Many of you know that Scott and I have been trying to have another baby for almost two years. Well I started having a couple symptoms so today I took a test and it came out negative. Boy did the hurt and disappointment rush over me. Its frustrating to take test after test and always the same results. I know that I should just be grateful for the 2 that I have and trust me I am more grateful for Julie and Austin than anything. But I feel like I am unable to have another child because I have failed God with the two that he gave me. Does that make since? I just don't understand both Scott and I have other children so why is that we can not get pregnant. Am I not doing something right as a mother? Is it just not the right time? Are Scott and I not meant to have any children together? Will the pain and emptiness feeling ever go away. Have I failed my Heavenly father? I feel like God gave me a chance when I got pregnant with Julie and I failed him. Ever since I was young I dreamed of being a mother. I always thought I would have a house full of kids. When Robin came to live with Scott and I that pain and disappointment was kinda pushed into the back of my mind because I was so busy with her and Julie and Austin, but shes gone now Yes Austin and Julie still keep me busy but the void in my life is back since this pregnancy scare. Sorry to make this blog so depressing I just don't know how to make the pain go away.