Humilation

Recently someone I love was humiliated in the worse way. It really got me thinking, of my most embarrassing situation and how it changed my life.


In hopes that this person will read this and their embarrassment will be lessened, here is my story.



I was 20 years old and thought I was "in love". I had known him my entire life, he was my cousins best friend. He was also a married man with a family at home, but that didn't seem to bother me much at that time. Tim and his wife split up and I moved in, the divorce procedures got ugly and then she moved back in. Yes I was still there as his "best friend and babysitter". I slowly realized I wasn't the only one that he was with, but it didn't seem to matter that I had to share him because I 'loved' this man more than anything. I got pregnant and I never second guessed that he wouldn't be there. He was the best father to his two children. We started fighting more often and I moved out. We continued to sneak around to be with each other and then one day it ended. I was heartbroken, pregnant and alone and never more scared in my life. Not only was I pregnant, but I just committed one of worst crimes, I committed adultery and I was caring the proof of this. Through out the rest of pregnancy I didn't see Tim. Later on I learned that he had convinced his wife that I had forced him to sleep with me once. When I was pregnant I had three doctors, and I had to explain to each one that I do not know his medical history and he wasn't in the picture. I tried to sugar coat it the best way that I could, but the horrible truth is I was pregnant by a married man. As a little girl, I always dreamed of the kind of marriage my grandparents had. I remember when she found out and I seen her for the first time. We were in Meijers and she didn't hold back. That is the moment that I realized how embarrassing the situation that I put myself in was. I wasn't just an unwed mother. I was an adulteries. I realize the severity of this now, and it was something that I struggled with for a long time. I remember when it starting getting easier to tell my story. Scott and I were going through our pre-marriage counselling with Dave Hinman and I remember having to tell him the horrible truth and praying at the same time that he wouldn't hate for what I was about to reveal. Surprisingly enough, Dave nor Robin judged me, but more so celebrated the way I have changed my life. When I was young I lived my life for me and only me. Tim helped changed my life, if that wouldn't of happened, I don't know that I would be the person I am today. I don't know if the partying would have stopped. The things in our life happened for a reason, we can only pray that we will wake up from the "nightmare" we are in and open our eyes and our hearts to something new.

I know that it is hard not to be embarrassed by the pain that you are going through, but if you could use that to make a difference in your life or someone else's, I hope that you would. Sometimes facing the ones you love the most is the most embarrassing part, but always remember those are the ones that no matter what can always see the best part of you. I honestly do not know how someday I will face my daughter and tell her, but being able to face the many people I have along the way has given me much courage.