Things will be ok

I am not sure where to start. This weekend has become one of the worst memories of my life. I will not go into great details of all that has happened, but I will say that I am OK. I will be better. And I know that I am not alone. I know that I have not been myself for some time now and that has caused me to lose my entire family excluding Scott and my kids. I lost two of the most important people in my life and I can not make sense of this right now. What I do know is that I can not keep living my life to please others; I have to live my life for myself but most importantly God. I woke up today in so much emotional pain and it is destroying all the good things around me. If I die tomorrow I do not want to be remembered as this girl that was always depressed and pushed everyone and everything away. When I was pregnant with Julie, I promised that I would change my life and live it for Jesus. And as noticeable as it has been, I have not been doing that. Today, I want to start new. I want to find the person I was 9 months ago and hold on to that.

I do ask that people not ask if I am OK, but rather pray for me and my family. Pray that I find peace and my way back.